Welp...herpes.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
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I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
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It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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