If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
