oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize