Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
