You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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