Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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