Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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