If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
