EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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