I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
