I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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