Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
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Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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