i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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