$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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