he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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