Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
