I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
