fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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