gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
