Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
