I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
