If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
