dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
