Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
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Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
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I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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