So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
high people should be assigned attendants
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
