Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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