They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
