Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
