I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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