OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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