It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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