Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
