i came on her dog
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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