i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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