Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
