bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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