I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
