i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize