fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
