Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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