i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
And then my night got REAL pukey
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
