I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I wish they made helmets for livers.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
