The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
