im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize