i don't plan on having that self control this summer
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
