I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
