Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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