i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I am one with the molecules
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
