just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
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