our cab driver is having phone sex.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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