Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.