tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
23 “Girl Codes” Guys Probably Don’t Know About
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?