Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.