The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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