My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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