goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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