her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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