when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
