Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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