no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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