i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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