By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
