you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
