Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
