i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
