Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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