My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
