I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
