I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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