dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I didn't notice because vodka
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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