I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
