I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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