I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
